


I Don't Want to Die

by Dani_Chameleon



Series: Newsies Works [9]
Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a sprinkle of fluff, Canon Era, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dani_Chameleon/pseuds/Dani_Chameleon
Summary: His shoulder ripped backwards, his eyes wide. The loud bang silenced everybody for a few mere seconds, except for him. He steadied himself, screaming out. He was half-bent over, his chest heaving for a moment, his voice quiet and scared, but everybody heard it.“I don’t want to die yet.”Every newsie who'd gathered for the rally watched Spot Conlon get shot, and every newsie heard what he'd said. Only one of them knew exactly why he'd said it.
Relationships: Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Series: Newsies Works [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702264
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	I Don't Want to Die

**Author's Note:**

> This... spiraled.
> 
> I wanted to post something outside of my long ass fic (called Over Time- go check it out) and this has been birthed.
> 
> It's sweet at the end :)
> 
> Kinda 
> 
> :)
> 
> ~Enjoy~

I didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t know what led up to it, I just remember watching it. Time was going slow and fast all at the same time, my heart was pounding as screams were echoed by the people surrounding me over and over again, It’s the bulls, I needed to run, my brain was screaming for me to run, but I was looking around. I was searching, making sure they were okay. Jack made sure Davey was alright, Mush was pulling Blink away from everything, towards safety. Skittery was running next to Itey, it would be alright. It would be fine. 

My eyes landed on him next. He was standing in front of the Brooklyn newsies, his cane in hand as he shouted instructions at his boys, getting them to safety. They nodded, turning back towards only what I could assume was the way to Brooklyn. He turned around a moment, his eyes meeting mine. He started to mouth words to me,

Get out of here-

His shoulder ripped backwards, his eyes wide. The loud bang silenced everybody for a few mere seconds, except for Spot. He steadied himself, screaming out. He was half-bent over, his chest heaving for a moment, his voice quiet and scared, but everybody heard it. 

“I don’t want to die yet.” He said. Everything was chaos, everyone around me took off, looking for a way out. I sprinted up to Spot, looking at Brooklyn, 

“Go to Brooklyn- I got him- trust me!” I screamed. I put my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stand up straight. “You aren’t gonna die- got it?” I said. I could see he was starting to bleed, his shirt soaking everything up. It was a shitty shot, through his shoulder, I was more worried about infection than him bleeding out. “C’mon- Manhattan lodging house-” He only stared at me. “Fuck it- arms around my neck, okay?” I picked him up bridal style, taking off towards the lodging house.

I was there as fast as I could have been, kicking on the door and holding him closer to me. I had tears streaming down my face. I knew, logically, he wouldn’t bleed out. That didn’t stop me from being terrified he was going to die in my arms. Dave opened the door curiously, gasping as Spot. 

“Help him.” I whispered, my arms growing tired. I rushed past Davey, taking Spot up to one of the secluded bunks. I set him down, sniffling as I laid him down. His eyes were barely open, his hair clung to his forehead with sweat. I wiped my face, looking him over. 

“Racer?” His voice was quiet, he tried to push himself up, wincing. 

“No- no lay down-” I insisted, pushing him down gently. 

“I’m fine,” He grunted. 

“Spot- spot… what did you do..?” He stayed quiet. “You can’t do this- you aren’t gonna fucking die, got it?”

“Race, I’m fine.” He said. “Race… why are you all… panicking?” He asked.

“You’re joking, right?” I laughed like a maniac, “I just watched you get shot.” 

“In the shoulder,” He pointed out, “Unless it gets infected, I’ll be fine.” He said with a quick, reassuring smile.

“That doesn’t make me less scared! I didn’t tell you anything I wanted to and I thought you were going to die before I got the chance!” I said, tears spilling over my cheeks. His hand rose up to my face,

“Hey…” His voice was immediately softened. “Don’t cry… I’m gonna be just fine, alright? You don’t gotta worry about me, okay? I’m gonna slide over a little bit, you climb over me and get on the other side of this bunk, alright?” I nodded, trying to stop crying. I laid down next to him, on his side with his good arm, turning my face into his chest. He rubbed circles into my back. He murmured a few words closer to my ear. “I ain’t gonna quit doin’... whatever you’d call this, but you don’t go tellin’ nobody, can’t let anybody think I got…” He fumbled for a word,

“You’re a softie, Conlon.” I said, 

“I ain’t-” He paused a moment, “Okay… maybe a little but you didn’t hear it from me,” I could tell he was smiling. I giggled into his chest, moving to wrap an arm around his waist. He did the same to me with his good arm, adjusting me so that I was completely pressed up against the side of his body. Suddenly, David and Jack burst through the door. I was too busy still giggling to realize I should’ve jumped back. Jack chewed on his lip.

“Do you guys uh- want us to go?” He asked,

“God no- I was just crying and hugged Spottie because he can’t really protest against it right now, can he?” I teased. He punched me in the shoulder lightly. Jack nodded. Davey walked forwards looking at his arms. He did a few fancy things that I wasn’t really sure how to explain, but it looks like something a real professional would do. I sniffled a bit into Spot’s chest, he murmured small things into my ear and into my hair, 

“It’s all gonna be okay, alright? A bullet ain’t gonna kill me that easy,” He smirked. I gave a wet laugh, adjusting my head so I could look at Jack now. He smiled down at me with an expression I couldn’t quite place. Davey chewed his lip intently, freezing for a moment, turning to Jack. 

“Jack, get down here real quick.” David said. I froze, what was wrong? He whispered something to Jack, “Does that look like…” I couldn’t hear the rest. Jack nodded after leaning a bit closer to examine the wound. He turned to Spot.

“I… I know we just sewed you up, Spot but… there’s more bullet fragments. If one of those gets into one of them tubes that goes through ya…” 

“Just do what you gotta do,” Spot said, shrugging with one arm. 

“It’s gonna hurt like a bastard.” Dave said, Spot turned to him,

“I’m much more concerned now that the walking mouth swore for once,” He joked. Jack gave a sad chuckle, 

“He ain’t wrong… it’ll be over quick as we can make it, alright?” Spot nodded. I closed my eyes, suddenly I felt his fingers digging tightly into my side, his teeth grinding from above me. I pulled back a little bit, putting his arm over me instead of under. I took his hand in mine, he quickly took to squeezing it. I leaned close to his ear, 

“Hey… it’ll be okay, Spot, it’s just a little longer. You can do this, okay? I know you can, you’re Spot fucking Conlon.” I grinned a little bit. “You’re so brave, know that? You got this, I know you do.” He grit his teeth harder. I didn’t think, but I was reaching up to run my fingers over his cheek, running them slowly down his jaw. His muscles pulsed underneath my touch, making me chew on my lip. “Don’t chip your teeth, alright?” It loosened up quickly, I kept my fingers in their spot. He spoke through gasping breaths. 

“How much longer?” I turned towards Davey’s fingers, taking the thread from the wound. He had about two more stitches to go. 

“Just a little bit, it’ll be okay.” I reassured. He nodded, his breathing shaky. I adjusted myself, making eye contact with him now. “Focus on me for a minute, you got this. You’re gonna be just fine. We’re gonna get you fixed up all nice and pretty, then you can go back and rule Brooklyn again, a’right?” He chuckled tensely, “Last stitch,” I smiled, running my thumb over his jaw absentmindedly. I turned away as the thread was pulled out, trying to block out all the noise until I heard a small whimper from Spot. I turned towards David and Jack, 

“Could you give him just a minute or two? That hurt like a bitch- we all know it. Just give him a second to calm down or whatever.” I said. David chewed his lip for a moment, thinking. 

“Okay, yeah. It isn’t really bleeding much anymore… we just need to hurry, okay?” I nodded. Dave looked over at Jack, “We need more alcohol to clean it out.” He said after a few seconds. Jack nodded and the two of them stood up, going off to get more. I turned to Spot. 

“You okay?” He nodded, his breathing evening out now. I took back to my spot beside him, pulling him up against my chest. 

“Thanks…” He murmured. I stiffened a bit, Spot didn’t really do manners much.

“Oh- yeah, no problem.” I smiled. We laid quietly for a moment. Spot sat up a tiny bit, looking up at me. 

“Could I… uh- tell you somethin?” He asked. I nodded, eyebrows furrowing with concern. “I dunno why… I just- I ain’t told nobody before… not on my own accord, anyways. Maybe… ten people know? I dunno…” He took in a shaky breath. Was he nervous? No- it must’ve been the wound. “So… I’s… I’s uh-” He swallowed. Yeah- he was definitely nervous. “I’s queer, Race.” 

I blinked at him.

He blinked back.

“Shit- I mean- ugh… That was fuckin’ stupid… I don’t mean-” He huffed out a breath of air. “I don’t know, Race.”

“You don’t know what?” I asked, “If you’s queer or not?”

“No- shit, I know that I am. I just mean… well, I dunno.” He chuckled humorlessly. 

“I don’t care.” I shrugged a bit, “I mean, ladies are pretty and all, but guys are cute, y’know? I’ve wondered before, but how everybody is right now… you ain’t got a whole lot of room to wonder.” I said. He stared up at me. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked. I let out a shaky sigh,

“I’s liked a girl before, well, loads a girls.” I chewed my lip, “I’ve only ever loved a fella.” He stared at me for a moment. “Well, I guess I’ve liked a few guys too, I dunno.” I let out a small breath. 

“Do you still love him?” He asked curiously, his eyes doe-like. 

“Yeah, yeah I do.” Spot sat up a little bit,

“What’s it like?” 

“You can’t… explain it. It just… he feels like home, y’know? I’d toss everything else away for him in a heartbeat… I’d die for him, but more than that, I live for him.” I smiled to myself. Spot’s gaze flickered briefly down to my lips. 

I must’ve imagined it.

But then, his lips were on mine. 

It was just brief, he pulled away just as suddenly as he had leaned in. He was blushing furiously, looking down, 

“I didn’t mean to- I just-” I put my fingertip on the bottom of his chin, turning him to look up at me, 

“Could I try that again?” I asked. He nodded quickly. I closed the distance between us, kissing him slowly and softly. He was timid, almost shy in the way he did it. Not really what I’d expected. 

Then again, I didn’t expect to be kissing Spot Conlon.

I pulled away first, my eyes fluttering open to meet blue ones. 

“Well?” He asked slowly,

“I always did like kissing guys more than girls,” I whispered, “But maybe I just like kissing you more than anybody else.” His cheeks were pink, pulling back a little more I saw that the blush went down into his t-shirt. I wondered how far it went down-

“Race…”

“Spot?”

“What was that for you..?” He asked slowly.

“A kiss,” I said, confused. 

“Of course,” He murmured with a little scoff. My eyebrows furrowed, even more confused. 

Wait- 

He couldn’t mean-

“Spot-” He looked away, “Hold on- what was that for you then?”

“Does it matter?” He said. 

“Yes, yes it very much does.”

“It’s a kiss, Race.” He said, his voice breaking a little bit on ‘kiss’. 

“Spot Conlon, I think you’re beautiful.” He turned towards me faster than I’d seen anybody in my entire life. “I think you have gorgeous eyes and a stunning smile, and I think you’re sweet. Maybe New York doesn’t, but I know you better than them. I know the you who takes care of the littles of Brooklyn like they’re your own damn kids, and… and I know you who just kissed me and blushed about it and I think that’s… just… adorable in every way. I think you’re beautiful, Spot Conlon. I know you just got shot and this isn’t the time but- unless… unless I’m reading the situation wrong, which would really suck… I- I like you a lot, Spot.” I whispered the last sentence. It was quiet, just Spot and I looking at each other for a second before he chuckled. My heart dropped, 

“You- you think I’m beautiful?” He said, “You, Racetrack Higgins, with your stupid dark curls and- and your soft lips and addicting laugh think I have gorgeous eyes? With your stupid cigars and your adoring teasing- warm, soft skin and fantastic hugs think I have a stunning smile?” Suddenly, the distance was closed between us and his lips were pressed against mine. He was ontop of me, kissing me now like he wasn’t going to live to tomorrow. His hands were in my hair, his mouth pressing hard and working against mine. I kissed him back just as roughly, my hands finding their way to his waist. He pulled back after we were both in need of air, panting, but still close to each other. We caught our breath. He dove in again, pressing his lips to mine sweetly and again gentle. I pulled him close to me, smiling against his mouth. I murmured a few quick words, 

“Are we..?” He thought a moment, 

“Would you like to be?” 

“Your boyfriend?” I confirmed. He nodded, “I would, yeah.” 

“Good- because I want you to be.” 

He got patched up, he healed over the next few weeks. His arm is still weak, but he’s getting the hang of everything again. 

I laid with him now on my bunk, the place was empty, everyone else went to Jacobi’s. 

I wrapped my arm tighter around his waist, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“Why did you say that you didn’t want to die if… if you knew you were okay?” I asked slowly,

“I just… I saw you and all… I didn’t tell you anything yet… I was scared and it was the only thing I could think… I just knew I got shot and it hurt like hell, I didn’t know what it hit or anything.” He whispered. I was quiet for a few minutes. 

“I’m happy.” I said.

“Me too, I’m happy too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> QOTD: If you had any tips/advice/constructive criticisms for me, what would they be?
> 
> I hope you lovelies have a fantastic night/day and are staying safe out there!


End file.
